FUD: Fear/Uncertainty/Doubt

May 16, 2006

E: What shape is my corn chip?

Me: Er, a triangle!

E: [crunch] What shape is it now?

Me: Uh…a bear!

E: [crunch] What shape is it now?

Me: An igloo!

E: [crunch] And…now?

Me: Tasmania!

E: [crunch] Now?

Me: A heart.

E: That’s because I love you, Mama.

May 13, 2006

We’ve been going out for a family lunch every weekend to somewhere different. Last weekend we were feeling uninspired and we had to go to a hardware store nearby, so we went to Cobb & Co, which is a family restaurant that serves roasts and carby meals that are heavy on the deep-frying. They have those paper placemats with puzzles on the reverse to keep the kids occupied while they’re waiting for the meals, so we were scribbling away quite happily drawing pictures for Ethan, when he said, “Hey! Can you draw Trogdor?”

So I started drawing Trogdor for him and Ethan is talking about it as I go: “First, draw an S. Then another more differenter S. And then the consumate Vs, I said consumate Vs!” and then he starts singing the Trogdor theme son, loudly. “TROGDOOOR! THE BURNINATOOOOOR! BURNINATING THE COUNTRYSIDE! BURNINATING THE PEASANTS!”

It was ten kinds of awesome.

Ethan talks about cookware. April 26, 2006

Ethan: “You can’t see through pots. They’re not glass. You can see through them while they’re cooking, though.”

Me: But the lids are glass.

Ethan: Yes, and if you stand on them they break! Pots are metal. Dogs aren’t metal though. I can touch my nose with my tongue!

The Scarlet Letter April 20, 2006

Ethan found a red felt-tip pen and has been using it to practice writing his Es. Thus far this morning I have found his initial written, in red pen, on the back of his hand, his pillowcase, an attempt on his own naked back (under his pyjamas) and on Amy’s back (over her pyjamas).

They’re pretty good Es too. From now on I’ve told him that if he writes his name on something it belongs to him and is his responsibility for ever. He looked at me, then at Amy, and promised to stop writing on stuff.

Addendum, aka Jesus is a Dinosaur April 18, 2006

I forgot something funny: Ethan’s first church service.

Mike’s parents and Mike went to Easter Mass on Sunday. Ethan adores his Nana and Grandad and asked — nay, demanded — to go too, and they said yes (to which I winced quite conspicuously as I imagined the carnage that could ensue). To prepare him I told him about five times in as many minutes that he would have to SIT STILL. For AN HOUR. And there would be a man talking and he would have to be quiet the whole time and it would probably not be very interesting for him and I made him take books and a quiet toy and promise to sit quietly and be good for everyone. And then I gave him the five-second summary of what Easter was about so he was prepared in case they quizzed him at the door to see if he was qualified to attend. (”Yeah, so there was this guy called Jesus, and he died, but then he got better. Okay? Okay.”)

Turned out the Mass was a children’s Mass run for kids with the kids’ band and lots of action songs, and Ethan had a blast AND got an Easter egg at the end. He spent the rest of the day singing GLOOOOO-RI-A [clap, clap, clap] GLOOOOOOOOOO-RIII-AAA! Every once in a while he’d bust out with some weird comment, like how the old man died because nobody liked him. Or how Jesus was a dinosaur because he went to Caveland which is where dinosaurs live.

In Amyland March 21, 2006

In Amyland, inaminate objects are called “Buh!” while people are “Ah!” Sometimes, when she wants me to feel really special, Amy calls me Mum-mum.

The CD I ordered from amazon.com arrived today. It’s They Might Be Giants’ album for kids, called No! Amy likes Where Do Balloons Come From?: she stared at me for the first couple of songs, but started clapping when that song started. And right now she’s enchanted by the strings and the singer saying “Mop! Mop! Mooooop!” in Violin. I think it was an excellent way to use my voucher.

Today is my day in Amyland. Ethan is at daycare. However, Amy and I are going to visit the daycare this afternoon. Before she was born, I reasoned that I’d need a mental-health day with no kids to worry about for a few hours, so I told Ethan’s daycare that futurebaby would probably be coming in for half-days about…oh, now.

Amy has taken to drinking formula from a bottle like a duck takes to water or an elephant to spraying passersby with its nostrils. At first it was a relief to know that if something happens (like my upcoming surgery this Thursday), she won’t starve and I won’t be stressing over her unwillingness to feed from anything but me. But somehow we went from four or five breastfeeds per day to two bottles and one bedtime nursing session.

Both Amy’s bottle-feeding and her upcoming daycare visits have me feeling a little out of control of my environment. I was trying to explain to Mike last night why I’m not feeling enthusiastic about leaving her there, and I could come up with lots of insignificant reasons but couldn’t work out the big thing behind it all that’s stopping me. As a compromise, I’m going to ask to keep her space casual, so I can drop her there if I have a lot to do, or an appointment to keep, but keep her at home when I want.

I still don’t know why I don’t want her there. I think it’s because I’m fairly sure we’re not having any more kids, and she’s only a baby for so long and she’s not even crawling yet and I am dreading missing some important part of that. And she’s a charming little girl (not that Ethan wasn’t!) that I enjoy spending time with.

Ah well. The good thing about today is that Ethan is excited at the prospect of Amy being there too, even in a different room. And I said I’d come and see him today while we’re there.

I can’t wait for him to hear this CD, seriously, he’s going to freak OUT.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard March 15, 2006

Ethan drew a picture of me this morning. His usual style: giant round head, two eyes, huge smiley mouth, two legs out the bottom, two arms around where my ears would be. I asked him if he could draw my glasses and he drew a circle around each eye. Impressed, I asked him to draw my tummy. He said, “I can’t draw your tummy until I draw your milks.”

Some lucky girl out there twenty-ish years from now is going to wonder.

Things that mums can do March 8, 2006

Ethan has been fascinated by the human body lately: what happens to his food, what germs look like, that sort of thing. So I got the Human Body Encyclopedia from the library for him and showed him various parts of the book, including a section on how babies grow and what they look like in utero, explaining in very simple terms what happens before a baby is born.

Later I went to have a shower and as I was getting dressed, Ethan came in and we had the following conversation:

Ethan: What food do babies eat?

Me: Amy eats milk.

Ethan: Do you make the milk?

Me: Er…yes.

Ethan: How?

Me: [oh crap] Well, my body makes the milk and Amy drinks it.

Ethan: Do I have milk?

Me: No, it’s something only mummies can do. Only mummies that have babies can make milk.

Ethan: What else can you do?

Me: Well, that’s about it, actually.

Ethan: I know what else you can do!

Me: Yeah?

Ethan: Yeah! You can reach the fruit bars because you’re tall! [thinks] Hey, can I have a fruit bar?

Ethan says… March 3, 2006

“I have a drain in me. Yeah. The drain’s in my baby! In my tummy! And it has a fan in it to keep the water safe. And my baby likes to eat spinach. And her name is Amy. And she sleeps in the other Amy’s cot.”

There are so many things in that statement that need explanation.

Hi, my kid is insane.

Update: still not crawling March 1, 2006

Amy is sitting on a blanket in front of me surrounded by toys. Ethan asked me to put Amy on the couch. I asked why and he said, “Because I want to sit on the blanket!” I said no, because she was happy and it was her blanket anyway, so he went and pulled his duvet off his bed, dragged it out and set it up beside Amy’s and sat on it surrounded with his toys.

Now he’s playing peekaboo with Amy from under the duvet, and Amy is laughing like a twittering baby bird.

I mean how on earth did we end up with two such adorable charming children? Is there a baby lottery? Are we winnahs?